How to help your child become more independent


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home | Gaining Independence

How to help your child become more independent

The ultimate aim for all parents (regardless of their child having a form of disability or not) is to slowly increase their independence over time to allow them eventually to become independent young adults. For children with Aspergers this can be a more complex challenge but none the less is achievable.

In the Gaining Independence department I offer real life strategies and solutions to help you as a parent to improve your child's independence skills across the age range from young children to teenagers and young adults ...

I want to teach my son to live with Aspergers to independently and to understand that every action has a reaction, such as not paying your rent leads to eviction; not signing grant papers leads to losing your support, etc. How can I help my son work on these issues?
As a parent, your goal is to see your son grow up and move on, exhibiting the full ability to live independently. It is wise to make plans and ask these questions while your son is still young, giving both of you time to meet the expectations of the future. There are many resources available to assist you in this endeavor. We'll go over some of them here to allow you to formulate a plan ... . . . keep reading

How do I help instill confidence in my son with Aspergers as he continues to grow? (He's a young adult now.)
Kids with Asperger's Syndrome can definitely struggle with a lack of self-confidence. These kids are targeted by their peers in so many ways. They sometimes come across as 'too good', needing strict adherence to rules. They can also be highly intelligent, causing them to be labeled as 'brains'. Sometimes clumsy, kids with Asperger's are just different enough that the other kids at school resort to picking at them. Bullying is a huge problem for kids with Asperger's. Add in the inability to make good social connections and you have a definite risk for low self-esteem ... . . . keep reading

My teenaged son with Aspergers has left school and has no job or plans for college. How can I get him to be motivated to do something with his life?
Motivating a teenager to do anything can be a real chore. Teenagers have reached the age where they think they are smarter than their parents. This is true of all teenagers, including those with Asperger's Syndrome. It can be a source of contention in any household. Things do get better, but until that happens, you'll need a plan ... . . . keep reading

I have an 18-year-old son with Asperger's. He has just finished his first semester of college living away from home. He did very well with his grades. He has made a few friends and joined some clubs. My concern is that he says he wants to go on an internship this summer. He seems very interested in it but he just can't make himself write the essay that he needs to for this application. We have tried to encourage him but he is having trouble getting started. What can I do to help motivate him? I would also like to see him get out of his room more but he seems to have problems with this also. He wants to make friends and do things with others but he has a hard time getting started. Any suggestions?
Your son seems to have done well with his first semester of college and has survived his first living experience away from home! This is exciting for any parent, not simply the parent of a child with Asperger's. His grades were good and he has joined in structured social activities and has made a few friends. These are great things and things that should be celebrated! Many children with Asperger's find it difficult to ... . . . keep reading

What techniques should I be teaching my son with Aspergers to help him maintain his self-esteem throughout his adult years?
Helping your son develop his sense of self esteem throughout his developing years will give him a very strong foundation on which to create his adult self image. Because you have nurtured and supported him throughout his childhood, your son will be entering adulthood with a healthy sense of self-esteem. Establishing yourself as an adult can be a difficult time for any person. Making the transition from student to a functioning adult with a job and responsibilities can be challenging. Encourage your son to ... . . . keep reading

My daughter is 17 years old. She wants to drive but I worry that she will go into 'Asperger's mode' and zone out while driving. When we talk about driving I explain to her that she needs to be paying attention at all times. Her response is "I don't know if I can do that." Any suggestions?
One of the first, most obvious life transitions for a teen is reaching the legal driving age. That driver's license screams adulthood and independence. Every teen dreams of the day they can jump into a car and drive away, alone and unsupervised. Yikes! Teens with Asperger's are no different from their peers when it comes to meeting these life transitions. With a little extra preparation, your teen can ... . . . keep reading

We are trying to know how high to set the bar or what kinds of expectations we should help set for our 16 year old son. He seems so capable sometimes and so clueless/lost at other times. Any advice?
Teenagers are often a puzzle. One minute they seem totally clueless and other times they come across as sharp as a tack. There is definitely an age factor at play. Kids in the mid-teen years conveniently bounce between being a child and becoming an adult as the need arises. Not purposely, of course, they are just trying to find their place in life. Asperger's Syndrome does not change this reality. Due to the additional struggles that Asperger's brings with it, the teen years can be extremely difficult. This is a time of ... . . . keep reading

My son is still soiling himself. He wants to continue to play or do school work, and avoid pooping in the toilet or wiping himself until clean because it "takes too long." What can I do?
I am assuming that your son is between the ages of 3 and 10. It is not at all unusual for children of this age, especially boys, to act this way, whether they have Asperger's or not! In many schools this is a fairly common problem. Children will often ... . . . keep reading

I would like to have help in getting my son to complete daily tasks like cleaning his room, brushing his teeth.
As you know children with Asperger's Syndrome often have fixed habits, are perfectionists, and get easily distracted, all of which combine to make completing tasks, even those as simple as tooth brushing, difficult for them. In addition, children with Aspergers like to ... . . . keep reading

My daughter won't take care of self care issues or wear a bra. She is now a teenager. What should I do?
Problems with personal hygiene are very common with teenagers who have Asperger's. No one knows exactly why, but they may feel that refusing to bathe, wear clean clothes, and maintain good personal hygiene gives them control over their own lives. Or they may avoid these tasks because ... . . . keep reading

My child will not take personal responsibility for her actions; she's now 18 so what can I do?
Even though your daughter is 18, emotionally she may be anywhere from 12 to 15 years old. She acts irresponsibly because she is functioning at 13 or 14! She will continue to mature as time passes and may catch up by the time she is 25 or so. If your daughter still lives with you, she is not an adult and you still have the responsibility of ... . . . keep reading

How can I teach my 7 year old son about dangers (e.g. strangers, road crossings, and such like)? He has no sense of danger.
This is not uncommon in children with Asperger's Syndrome. Your son is so young that he may not comprehend the dangers you describe and warn him about. Children with Asperger's are not aware of the "social dance" that we all learn as children. We learn how to ... . . . keep reading

My son spends too much time being fascinated by ants & clouds. He spends a lot of time watching the world go by. Will this improve?
Generally speaking, people with Asperger's Syndrome can appear to be disorganized and forgetful because they concentrate on everything around them. No aspect of their environment is more important to them than any other. So, while people with ADD may be distracted by a fly on the wall at school, someone with Asperger's may ... . . . keep reading

What practical tips can I give my son on how not to be freaked out job interviews? Also, whether to even say he has Asperger's on a job application?
Sad though it is I would advise your son not to mention Asperger's Syndrome either on an application or during ... . . . keep reading

I want to know how to find assistance for him to get into a career most suitable for him and wherein he can maximize his potential.
For adults with Asperger's Syndrome there are many challenges that must be faced during their education and search for a career. Because adults with Asperger's have great difficulties with social interaction, repetitive behaviours, limited interests, and inconsistent schedules, they must ... . . . keep reading

What do I do to equip my 15 year old son to cope with real life issues and set aside his fantasy world?
There are different types of children with Aspergers and some enjoy living in fantasy worlds that they create. In your son's fantasy world, everything goes exactly as he wants it to, all the time. Children with Aspergers who enjoy Fantasy retreat into their own worlds. They play games for hours, read books, listen to music, or just daydream. Presumably, this is what your son is doing. Fantasy Aspies often fantasize while using electronic equipment, but the fantasy can also be replayed or re-created in your son's head as he is eating dinner, going to school, or talking to you. He creates or recreates word-for-word dialogue and scenes in his head. These fantasies serve many functions. They are ... . . . keep reading

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